A silent revolution.

There’s something new taking place in our home. Although Pelle is in the room, I sometimes don’t hear him, anymore. He is reading!

After all those years of always talking, asking hundreds of questions each day and always wanting my attention it is a completely new experience for me.

It’s a reflection of him becoming so much more mature. I love it.

Update.

Pretending to buy stuff in a store.

As promised, an update for all of you who are curious about my little, already 7-uears old boy. Cos my, it’s been a long time since I wrote about Pelle in English (8 month!). So where should I begin? We had a wonderful summer holiday. We stayed at a campsite for two weeks and it amazed me how independent my boy gets. Biking on his on around the grounds, doing chores, keeping himself busy. What a difference with last year (2011) when we where at the same place. He hardly left my side. Unlike last year, he enjoyed the theater the animation team put up every night. Singing songs, doing sketches, telling yokes. He was there waiting for the bell to toll every day at a quarter to seven, announcing the activities. It was a great two weeks, and for the first time in all these years of raising him, it felt like a holiday for me, too.

Back home, we intensified our Dutch version of the Son-Rise program. Dutch meaning, among other things, that we don’t emphasize on being happy so much, as is the case with the American approach. I think it’s important for Pelle to learn about emotions and that they are all equally important in a human’s live. Off course I want him to be happy, but if he’s not, that’s also OK. I try to teach him how he can cope with anger, frustration, anxiety and so much more a person can feel. I try to be patient, embrace and reflect what he is feeling and if it’s necessary, talk with him about it. I’m very happy with Pelle, but I do have my moments of being grumpy and tired, and that’s OK, too. Most of the time I enjoy playing with him very, very much. It makes me so cheery.
After the summer we continued with three players. I felt so very fortunate as I could contract a male student, after quite a search. He was one of the guys from the animation team from the campsite and Pelle and he chase each other a lot, play tiger, running games and do more boy stuff. Mart is very expressive and loves to act funny. Lila stayed on, my trusted companion and the one with whom I discuss our goals and the way we try to accomplish them. She’s doing a lot to try to engage Pelle in drawing and other artistic expressions. Tamara also stayed. Pelle and she did a lot of board games and small role-plays.
Pelle's really learning to play like a kid, now. It's wonderful to see.
After the Christmas holidays his imagination started blossoming. What a huge reward for all of us. He is now enacting things he sees on the television or on You Tube. If you’re curious, take a look here on my Dutch blog. Although in black-and-with and with a bit trouble with our handy cam, you can see him pretending to be a reporter and doing the children’s news. It’s about a crocodile that died (by an ice spark). I am interviewed (and impersonating 2 characters) about the matter. Off course I’m glad, because I’m scared of the crock. He’s also doing two other items (about skating and the weather) and vocalizing the tunes.
We keep working on our goals, like playing together (flexibility, eye-contact and non-verbal expression), enjoying yourself (playing alone and trying to cope with delayed attention) and drawing (he’s not making much progress there, but we continue anyway). Later this year, we will start introducing play-dates as he still has minimal contact with other children.
At school he’s doing fine, with some aid of a student who comes twice a week for an hour to help him with his writing and to teach him how to do the tasks he is supposed to do on his own.
I am still loving him to bits. He’s my sweet, sweet, joyful and vivid boy and he is unfolding his potential in a wonderful way. And as I see how people are taken by him, I'm so proud to be his mom.

About the boy, the continuing story

Pretending to be a bus.

 I should have written this post much earlier. It’s the foreign language that’s holding me back, but I don’t want to postpone any more. So for those of you who know I’m running a Dutch Son-Rise program for Pelle, here’s an update. How’s our boy doing? Fantastic!
It's almost 2 years since I started playing in his sleeping room and boy, has he been blossoming ever since. We now have a team of 2 players and I hope to contract another one (a 20-years old boy) very soon. Pelle’s still in school, as the summerholidays run very late this year, but I already know he’s moving to the 4^th grade, along with his classmates. (Here in the Netherlands you start with 1^st grade when you are 4, and he will become 7 in July). He still has aid in school by a remedial teacher but also by a lovely little girl who sits next to him and helps him to get organized etc. He learned to read this year and to write, although his handwriting is still very wonky. But what’s more important for me is that he’s able to function in a class, with some adjustments, and hearing his teacher say she is so very proud of his achievements.
What’s also wonderful is that he is finally drawing. We set this as a goal, almost a year ago. And look what he did 2 weeks ago!

A drawing with little fish, a churchtower, a house, a mill, a car,
the sun & Pelle and 'vormen' (= shapes) in the corner.

In comparison, here's a drawing he made in Oktober. The assignment (at school) was: make a phantasy animal.

At this moment, our other goals are: learning to play together, learning role-play and learning to play alone. We now play things like memory and simple board games. And today for instance he said to me: ‘Now I’m a spitting fire like a dragon, mum” “It’s pretend” he reassured me and there he went, hissing away.

(For those of you who are more familiar with the details of Son-Rise, we also work on eye contact & non-verbal communication, verbal communication, interactive attention span and flexibility, but more implicit. I estimate him at being at stage 4 at most of the topics, with some exceptions you’ll read about below). 

The children in his class like him, as he is very sweet and cheery, but he hardly plays with other children and has no friends, yet. (He was invited for 2 birthday parties this year, though). So this month, we’ve been starting to introduce play-dates. I invite children to our home and play with both of them. After a while, I hold back and let them play together. What I see, is a boy who interacts very good when it comes to verbal communication, but who has to learn how to play. At this point, he’s simply lacking experience and skills like more advanced role play. He still has little imagination. But the children enjoy each others company and there are enough things Pelle can do like making a puzzle together or a little competition on the bike (Who will arrive first at the finish?) And as he has learned SO much these last years, I’m confident he will grow in this aspect, too. He sure likes children. He loves it when Mark and I read stories about toddlers and he likes watching programs for toddlers on TV. So mentally he’s still a bit young, for liking this when almost 7, but he laughs, while watching, and what a great marker that is for empathy.

So is he still autistic? By now, that word has lost most of its meaning to me. Sure my boy is not average, if there ever is such a child. He flaps with his hands, talks a lot, makes strange noises, talks a lot, wants to go to the church over and over again to see the doors and interior, wants to go to the mill over and over again, wants to go by the bus and the train every day if only this was possible,
talks A LOT ; - ) and wants our attention every minute of the day. (Hence our goal of playing alone, which is very hard for him but his efforts are also heartwarming). He’s unique and I love him SO MUCH. And I’m SO VERY VERY HAPPY he came into our live, I can hardly express it. So we go on, the both of us. Blossoming away.

Expressing yourself.

Pelle has grown a lot in his facial expressions, during the last two years. He loves it when we take photos of him and we use that motivation to practice. Every once and a while the players and I take pictures of his face, when it suits the flow of the play we’re in.
Yesterday I told him about an incident where he was angry because I didn’t understand him. I mimicked his face and encouraged him to do the same. I hurried down to get the camera and made this still.

 I think it looks more pleading. Maybe because he was still  joyful inside when he acted out.

"And now I'm doing happy", he announced. Oh boy. love you so much!

Pelle's progress.

Two weeks ago, Mark and I had a meeting with our Dutch SonRise team: Lila, Tamara and Hella (who doesn't play with Pelle but is our counselor). Pelle is doing great. He progressed on all of the 3 goals we set out for him, over half a year ago. Those goals were:
- learning to draw
- learning to play a game together
- learning to encage in pretend play.

We have seen little puppets arise, a plane, towers and numerous spirals. Pelle can play a simple board game now, and is able to take turns. He can also take on a role, pretending to be an animal or a figure from a favorite book. It’s not very elaborate, but the seeds we sowed are beginning to sprout.

And moreover, I admire him when I see the he is not only learning a lot at home but in the meantime also a lot of new skills in school. He’s starting to read rather well, I think. As for the math, I don’t exactly know it, because he doesn’t do this at home. His writing has also improved much, although it is still very large compared to his classmates. But it’s the progress he makes, that I enjoy, not the end result. And what’s also very apparent is that he’s a lot calmer. He’s able to concentrate, listen and focus far better that he ever has.

He is also moving more fluently. I saw a photo the other day where he’s painting in the garden, half a year ago. He’s holding his hands in a typical manner and I realized he’s not doing that anymore. He’s even starting to practice cartwheels everywhere he can.

We decided to introduce a new goal, learning to play alone (without a computer or electronic device). That means he has to postpone his need for attention from me or someone else. And what we see so far, by introducing 10 minutes of silent play while the other person is present but reading a book or doing something different, it is working out very fine. I think this is a goal we will achieve very soon. We go on with drawing, painting, introducing him to different materials and celebrating the love of being busy with it, not focusing on the fact that is has to resemble anything (as we suspect his inability to do so is holding him back). We go on with games and pretend play.

And with a bit of luck, we will be able to contract another player (our third!) as we probably will be getting a bit more money from youth aid to take care of him. Fingers crossed.