zaterdag 17 juli 2010

One step at the time

The game didn’t work out. It is to hard for Pelle to do something that requires rules, although they are quite simple. So if I want him to imitate, I a) either have to find another way or b) can use the cards, but in a more free-flowing form.
For now, it is even hard for him to be in the room. Maybe because it’s all so new for him, maybe because he feels I want him to do more than he is comfortable with. Because my ideal is for him to be concentrating on toys. But yesterday for instance, he was far to hyperactive to do that. So we went outside, and he had a meltdown there. Wanting to go home, and I wanting to stay a little longer at the small field, playing with a kite. (I really enjoyed that myself).
He doesn’t have tantrums that often, and I can handle his cries and yells and tears, and console him, but apparently, it was just to much for him.
So there are some lessons learned.
I should not aim to high. Just adjust to what he’s capable doing at the moment.
And playing with toys is not important at all. Having fun is important.
So now the challenge is to go on being in his playroom, even though I notice Pelle rather won’t. (He says he’s afraid of the sirens (horns of policecars) inthere, but we managed to chase them away with a magic wand). I think he feels I want him to “perform” in a way he’s not able to do.
And another challenge for me is to accept him being hyperactive, because I really don’t like it if he acts that way. And maybe examine if it has anything to do with him eating something sweet.

3 opmerkingen:

  1. Ria, sent you a very long comment via email, but I forgot one nugget for you... I listened to a set of Samahria CDs with questions and answers. At the time, I was thinking I would skip the whole playroom aspect because I wasn't sure Joaquin would accept it, but she said something that really go to me...

    Somebody asked her about the playroom, and she said: If you love the playroom, he will love it too. If you truly believe that the playroom is the most wonderful, fun, and nurturing place in the world for him, he will FEEL IT. Because your whole attitude and what you do in the playroom will support it.

    If you're feeling in any way stressed / uncomfortable when you go in. Ask yourself why. Then keep asking yourself and asking and asking until you discover that core believe that is making you uncomfortable. Then you can replace it by one that helps you more, or discard it and move on.

    Now, if you believe your attitude is totally pristine in the room. If you believe you're doing it all right: You're loving. You don't have any expectations. You join him and flow with him, and celebrate all of his attempts... And he still hates it in there... Many people just move their energy into themselves, go to a corner of the room and tell their children "it's okay if you're unhappy. I love you anyway. I'm going to do something fun here and wait for when you're ready", and you make yourself comfortable in this situation. I haven't had this challenge personally, but have read that many times children do respond to it, as long as you are feeling that comfort within yourself. Now, if the whole thing is making you sick, by all means, open the door :)

  2. Hi Maria,
    I'm going to meditate on that idea (of loving the playroom more than anything else), tonight.
    Chase away the sirens in my mind, so they won't be there for Pelle to be afraid of.

  3. I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going as you'd hoped but it sounds like you have a plan to help you get through it.

    I have a friend whose son has Asperger's syndrome - he also has had to learn to play with others and interact with people in general. He is also a very high-energy person. I notice that you use the word hyperactive and I want to say that sometimes this word has a negative feeling and that can color your experience of his behavior without you realizing it. Saying that someone is hyperactive means that they are more active than is normal. However, maybe if you look at it as being what is normal for him you can find a way to help him channel this energy. My friend bought her son a punching bag and it helps him to release his energy in a constructive way, as well as provide an outlet for when he is frustrated, which happens a lot for him. Of course, he is 10 years old, but I think the idea of finding ways for Pelle to channel his energy still applies.

    My middle child (3 years old) is very high-energy and sometimes I have her race in the garden (to see how fast she can run from one end to the other, to see how many times she can run around the tree before I count to 20, etc.) just to burn off the extra energy. It makes her feel good to go fast and see that I am watching her and cheering for her and then she is able to sit at the table and eat her dinner without wanting to get down and play. Perhaps this is something that he could do.