woensdag 22 september 2010

Like a flower

I followed a Dutch course, this weekend. Based upon the principles of Son-Rise, but with a Dutch twist to it. And as it goes in courses, you have to introduce yourself to the group. What to say? And then it came all naturally to me, and with great intensity. Pelle has opened up my world. Literally and spiritually. I feel it so strong and with great passion.
Everything I once thought would be ‘normal’, lost it’s meaning. Everything is possible. I really don’t mind if he is developing in another way. Because there are so many possibilities. He freed me of the thought that the only meaningful way of living is going to school, going to college, marry and raise a family. The world is bigger than that. And being alive is more. It’s about having your own place in the world. He taught me that setting boundaries is not useful at all. And I felt so free, truly free upon realizing that. And so grateful.
Now I can look at him without fear of the future, without wanting him to be different. Finally I can meet him soul to soul. And feel enlightened and full of love.
And now as I’m letting go of all my expectations he is changing in a pace I can not believe. He is starting to make little jokes. Such a pure, innocent humor. My mother asked him “Do you need to be washed? “. He said “yes, put me in the washingmachine, gran”. He is telling more about how he feels. “No I don’t want to sleep under the bed, because that’s a bit scary”. Is this the boy who didn’t even say “I” only a year ago? It’s so hard to believe. He still is hyperactive sometimes, but has calmed down in other ways. Like when we are in the woods, he holds my hands almost all the time. He never did that, because he was always running, when we where there. And I so love the touch of his small hands. But you know what? I’m even missing seeing him run so much. Oh boy, I so loved to see him run on his little legs. He was so fast. A classmate of him said to me once "Pelle's always in a hurry". Not anymore.
Last week he said he wanted to glue. You have never seen a mum run and grab the stuff faster than I did. I joined him and we had such good, relaxing times. Another dream comes true.
He learns to do pretend play. And so much more. He is blossoming, really blossoming. Like his mom.

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