Playing with Pelle

(These photo’s are made by Pelle. I’m always so surprised to see his pictures appear because he often takes them without me noticing him. It’s so nice and interesting to see his perspective).



I had some trouble getting started to play with Pelle in his room. Looking back on it, I realized I was putting way to much pressure on the whole process. I stressed myself to much, because wasn’t this THE ONLY REAL OPTION for Pelle to lose his autistic tendencies? Wasn’t I supposed to come up with all these plays, ideas, energy, enthusiasm, fun, amusement, expressiveness and so on, and so on?
And then in a dream I was advised by Bears, one of the founders of the son-rise program, to step back. I was agitated about that. Who? Me? The quiet, sub-assertive person who usually plays her role in the background? But it must have been important. Because the message stuck with me. So I dropped my load. In the playroom, Pelle has the lead, and I follow. And it makes me feel so relaxed! Because in stead of making up things, and thinking very hard, and having the feeling I need to do all kinds of things I’d rather not, I just go with his flow. And now playing with him is easy. My imagination just wells up. Like my energy and joy. We are having such good times!
And one of the other things I realized is that I still can be me. I can act true to my feelings. Sometimes I’m annoyed or grumpy. I can express my irritation when I’m busy in the house, or tired, and he keeps repeating the same questions over and over again. I still accept him the way he is, in my heart. I know he feels that.

So where are we now? Miles away from the depression I had last fall, after they told us that Pelle had a low IQ (65) and was probably best of in special daycare. I don’t believe autism = lifelong disability = being locked in a ridged world anymore. I am convinced now that Pelle will outgrow all his autistic traits. Really convinced. And he might even manage on his own. But I’d really love to help him and grow with him, too.

So here are the plans: playing with him in his bedroom every day, after school, as long as we like it. My goal for now: elaborating his playskills. He can play with some toys, like trains and cars, and the marble run. And he is starting to use his imagination, pretending to be a lion, or a tower. So I’m building on that. For this month, I’m planning to introduce cards and a dice and some role-play. This afternoon, I will show him some simple cards we can lay out on the floor and see how he will react. I will keep you posted.