Learning to play

Today was a special day, because it was the first time I intentionally played with Pelle using the Son-rise principle. I’ve been reading about it a couple of weeks now and think it’s a great way to help Pelle in his development. Entice him to become more agile, mentally. I know he can do that, but he can’t do the gymnastics on his own. We both need to train, in a gym called the playroom. And as it is the beginning of his holidays, and he has no school during 6 weeks, I thought it would be a great way to fill in all the blank spaces of time. But where to begin? And there was another problem. Just as Pelle has his specific behavioral patterns, so has his mom. Because I like to think, and read, and think, and read. But as it comes to action, I’m sometimes stuck, too. Like Pelle, but on a different level. So I called in for help. Today I had my own supporters, who coached me and filmed the both of us. And I really think this is the way to go for me, because it is so close to the way I’ve always been raising Pelle and connecting with him. It’s quite easy for me. But I have to go one step further. I have to show him the child that’s hidden in his mom. The little girl that’s awaiting to play with him, with joy and laughter. Who loves to be funny and cheerful. It’s time to put her on the stage. And I know she will love it. I’ve neglected her far to long. So go, little girl, go. Show your sparks to Pelle. Don’t be afraid. I know he will love them.

A prince and his father

A few weeks ago, we went to Portugal on holiday. Since I couldn’t sew in the evenings, I read a lot. This book was one of my favorites. It’s about our former Prince Bernhard, the husband of queen Juliana (the parents of our present queen, Beatrix).
I bought it, because of the author. She’s an historian and I’ve been reading an biography from her before. Frankly, I’m not that interested in our Royal family as such. But I’m interested in people. Annejet van de Zijl frankly states that Bernhard married Juliana because of the money. No romance, no love, but a desire to live the life of a playboy. And he succeeded, although there were many pitfalls along the way (Lockheed, alienating his wife who was spiritual inclined and had pacifistic ideas about the world). Instead of making a moral judgment, the author explores the past and family history of Bernhard. And that’s the most interesting part of the book. It’s a sketch of the German nobility at the beginning of the 20 the century. How they struggled to keep up their way of life and failed, after the first World War. How a way of living fell apart and status was lost. How hard it was, to survive after the Great War, especially in the Eastern part of Germany. How this all created the sentiments that led to another war and a fascist ideology. And the most interesting character in the book is not the Prince, but his father. Who marries a divorced woman, which was so not done at the time. Who’s family fortune fluctuates from very wealthy (financial aid to help exploit the Eastern part of German, revenues from American investments) to having hardly any money and being forced to seek a whole new way of earning money (after the Second World War). Up and down it went, and he had to adjust to every change in his live. The personalization of a generation and way of living that doesn’t exists anymore.

Compared to him, my life is very dull. But I can always read, to brighten it up. And get a bit more understanding about people as children of their time. Because that's the moto of the book.

A little orange.

So yesterday was the semi-finale. And I'm not an excellent partner for Mark, because I didn't watch. But I was in the room, and heard him shouting 'Oooeeh", 'ziekenhuisbal! (a lousy pass), Shoot!, shoot!, and cheering, with each goal, one fist clasping in the other hand. "Ja!!!".
In the meantime, I sewed. Something a little orange. I sewed these shorts just a couple of day ago, in a denim version and envisioned another one for the holidays. I started out with the back in blue and a batik-like cotton. To match the front, I made a border on the pockets and then decided to make a border at the hem, to tie it all in. I finished it of with a string in the waist (made from the blue fabric). By the time I made the string, we were in the final. And maybe, just maybe, I will sew something a little orange again, on Sunday. It might bring luck. And this time I will watch, together with our dearest friends.

Summer in the city

Summer in the city
Originally uploaded by oddwise

I made these shorts for Pelle because the weather reaches tropical degrees today (over 30). It's a bit big on him, his legs look so tiny!. But as it is a denim I expect him to wear these a few seasons, so they will grow on him.
The T I sewed last year.
So no orange today (he should wear that because our soccerteam is playing this afternoon) but I hope we will win from Brazil anyway.

Summer in the city
Originally uploaded by oddwise

Celebrating my boy

Ever since I’ve been reading blogs (and I think that’s about 5 years now), I’ve been a fan of SouleMama. I’m not reading her tales everyday anymore, but every once and a while I hop over there for a doses of tender family life, love and care. I love the things she makes and the connections she makes with the world.
Her blog is also her way to cherish the good moments of life. To be mindful. And I think especially in her photo’s she makes these marks. Their like pearls in the continuing chain of everyday.
So, inspired by her, and to celebrate my boy, I’m going to publish more photos of him in action. So I won’t forget this precious time of his childhood.

green pants

green pants
Originally uploaded by oddwise

I made these some weeks ago, but only recently changed them by adding 2 cuffs on the ankles, just like the blue ones I made before.
I didn't want to do that first, but changed my mind because with a regular hem they were to wide and flappy. The fabric is a thin strechy cotton, perfect for this not-to-summery-weather.

Throwing away the curtain

You know how I’ve struggled with my special boy and him being different. When he was diagnosed as being autistic it felt like an incurable illness we just had to life with. I felt that the only option for me was to accept it and let go off my dreams. And although I tried to see things in a greater perspective, my feelings couldn’t. I felt lost. Deprived of a future where my boy could thrive and blossom. Where people would recognize his beautiful soul. And I also questioned the diagnose. Is Pelle really autistic? Is he on the spectrum somewhere? Sure he is not behaving like most of the children his age. But as I tried to pinpoint al those signs that are supposed to be typical indicators, I felt them slipping away. I tried so hard to search for ‘evidence’, that I lost my view on Pelle as the boy he is. So his diagnose really stood in the way. In the way of accepting him with all my heart, in the way of being unbiased and really open to everything he brings.


So that’s what a stigma does, even to a mother. It’s like a curtain. I was very busy trying to determine what the curtain looked like. I lost Pelle behind it.

But I am a lucky woman. Because of this blog, Maria contacted me. And told me about the Son-Rise program. Ironically, I have read this book about and autistic boy and the way his family embraced him and worked out a way to heal him many years ago, when I was a student. I have a very vivid memory of it. But I never made the connection with Raun, the boy in the book, and Pelle. Maria had to make it for me. Their message? Enter your child's world, and when he's ready, go play and show him the way out. You can help your child. Through real acceptance. By following and than leading.
And that’s another irony. Because in my profession, that’s also the key, if you want people to learn. First stand beside them and then show them alternative behavior. And always start with their own motivation, not with yours.

So I’ve thrown away the curtain. Because that was not helpful at all. Nor for me. And now I can see my kid again. And feel this joy arising in playing with Pelle and helping him coming into our world. And I really feel he’s growing so much, lately. Little by little, he is starting to interact with other kids. Holding hands with a girl on the playfield. Wanting to share his interest with gran, his biggest fan. Concentrating more and fantasizing more.
Maybe his brain is different from most kids. I now think that could be an advantage.
I heart what another father of an autistic boy, Rupert Isaacson, said. He and his wife also made an amazing journey to seek aid for their boy, Rowan. He wrote (in a more nuanced way that my summarization) that doesn’t even want to Rupert to be cured, as long as he has the ability to connect with our world.
And that’s my wish for Pelle, too. Being able to be himself, and have the social skills to interact with others. Because there’s so much love out there, for him. And I want to show him the way. Thanks to all the great instructions on the website of Sonrise, I now feel I have the tools in hand.