donderdag 31 december 2009

2009 coming to a close

My last post for this year. It’s been tough, and I’m feeling sad. It’s becoming more and more clear to me that the boy I love so much lives in a world of his own. I’m sure he’s happy, but I so wished he was able to connect more with the world outside, with other children, understanding them and responding to them. Being interactive. I’m sad when I look at other children his age, who understand so much more and act so different.
So 2009 has not been a good year for me. I’m sure there will come a time when I can be happy, even though Pelle is just the boy he is. For now I feel the loss of a dream I unconsciously had. Of raising a curious, social boy into a responsible man. I’m faced with another task I can’t clearly see at this moment. One thing is obvious, though, and that’s that I still can give Pelle all the love I have and that’s more than I ever imagined I could feel, before he was born. I’m so grateful I’m a mum but it leaves me more vulnerable than ever. So I sure hope next year will be happier.

And for all of you who read this, I wish you much happiness, too. I’m glad you found me on the internet and read my posts. It feels like we have a connection. And we can never have enough off those, can’t we? It keeps the world together, smaller, human. So thanks for being here and share my thoughts and work. Let 2010 be a good year for all of us.

1 opmerking:

  1. I understand your sorrow, about loosing your dream, but no...please, being mom should be the greatest feeling a woman can have. I do hope in time you will find a way to show him the outside world. In the meantime, please enjoy your mothership and this opportunity being all together as family. ;-)